Saturday, August 25, 2012

Quarterback Controversy

The following is intended for mature audiences only. It contains depictions of graphic quarterback incompetence(Q.I.), atrocious bad luck(B.L.) and instances of Season Ending Injury(S.E.I). Viewer discretion is advised.

These are the stories of the quarterbacks drafted by the Rich Liberal Trendy Cause franchise. They are uncut and unedited. 

2007 - Vince Young, Drafted 3rd Round

Vince Young was fresh off a Pro Bowl caliber rookie season in 2006. He was the ideal package of speed and finesse, and he had a knack for winning the big game, as evidenced by his collegiate victory over Michigan as the quarterback of the Texas Longhorns.  He was known as an average passer, but where he really shined was as a rushing QB - in 2006 he rushed for 552 yards and 7 touchdowns, which equates to 97.2 fantasy points before even throwing a pass. He had the potential to be a fantasy football juggernaut.

So what happened? Vince Young proceeded to have one of the most atrocious seasons as a starting quarterback in recent memory. His TD/Int ratio, which was a mediocre 12/13 the season before but manageable given his rushing prowess, plummeted to 9/17. His rushing stats dropped as well, and he rarely found the end zone in any capacity. Also, he simply could not hold onto the football, fumbling 10 times.

Final stats: 2546 passing yards, 9 passing TDs, 17 interceptions, 395 rushing yards, 3 TDs, 10 fumbles.

2008 - Tom Brady, Drafted 2nd Round
In 2007, Tom Brady produced arguably the greatest season in NFL history. He set the record for touchdown passes, notching a remarkable 50 scores. He set the record for most TDs to one target, Randy Moss. He threw for an incredible 4802 yards, which was good for 4th all time at the time.
Though I was leery of spending a high draft pick on a quarterback after the Vince Young Debacle, I looked at Tom Brady's remarkable skill and incredible durability; he had never missed a game in his career.

Until 8 minutes into Week One of the 2008 season, when Bernard Pollard fell on his leg and tore every ligament in it. He completed 7 passes in those 8 minutes, and missed the remainder of the 2008 season.

2009 - Donovan McNabb, Drafted 8th Round
Trust the Eagles to produce the one draft-day quarterback I can't really complain about. Fresh off being burned not once, but twice over the past couple seasons by high draft picks used on quarterbacks, I decided to wait and grab a serviceable late round QB.  McNabb missed 2 games, turned in his lowest rushing total in 5 years, and set a personal best in fumbles, with 10. All that said, he didn't lose many of those fumbles, he limited his interceptions to 10, and he was generally very average.

This makes him the best quarterback I've ever drafted as a starter.

2010 - Tony Romo, Drafted 6th Round

Okay, I've got the handle on the QB position by now. Don't spend a high pick, and it won't hurt you. I'll go up a little bit, to the 6th round. Tony Romo, why not? I expect such big things from you that I selected your best wideout, Miles Austin, in the 2nd as well. Just make sure to block for Tony now, Cowboys, even when playing my beloved New York Giants. Wait, Michael Boley, what are you doing? No! THAT'S MY STARTING FANTASY QUARTERBACK!!!

6th game of the season, broken clavicle, out for season. Damn it all.

2011 - Michael Vick, Drafted 1st Round, 10th Overall
If you would like to know how this turned out, I refer you to's fantasy football expert, Matthew Berry. Hell, he had Vick ranked 1st overall.

Who's next? No one knows. All that is certain is that, come September, some poor soul will be the signal caller for the Rich Liberal Trendy Cause. If you are a fan of an NFL franchise, pray that it is not your quarterback.

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